Moving Through Trauma: How to Navigate Sex and Intimacy after Sexual Assault
You probably thought sex would be the absolute last thing on your mind…
Intimacy. Trust. Opening yourself up to someone.
Maybe it actually is the very last thing you are tackling after a long road to healing from sexual assault. Perhaps you haven’t touched those painful memories. Or you’ve been “handling it” on your own for so long that the fear of welcoming another individual into your headspace is flat-out terrifying. Further, in addition to your mind, your body has physical reactions that make sex seem so far off in the future it’s not even worth trying. But you are worth that journey.
Experiencing any form of sexual assault can leave you in a dismal place. Maybe this place is a headspace of shame, fear, or brokenness. And without processing the traumatic event (or multiple events), you may be stuck in a cycle of avoidance.
Avoidance of the memories, which leads to avoidance of people, places, or sensations. Avoidance of facing and exploring your deeper self, which really, is avoidance of personal intimacy. And if you can’t create intimacy with yourself, there’s no doubt that intimacy with another human is fear-inducing. Altogether, you’re likely avoiding connection. And this makes sense. Experiencing trauma, especially sexual trauma, can create a disconnect from the mind-body connection that we as humans are supposed to be attuned with.
Sexual trauma disrupts intuition. Your intuition is that feeling of “something’s not right here,” or “I feel safe in this moment.” Intuition can be thought of as the physiological connection between body and mind that signals safety and security. It’s the connection between the conscious and subconscious mind that helps you make sense of things without relying solely on logic. So, when this central aspect of your functioning is severed, feelings of a lack of safety, therefore a lack of trust, are likely to arise.
How do you use trauma therapy to help clients heal from sexual assault?
As a sex therapist and trauma therapist in Denver, CO, I am a huge proponent of using trauma therapy as a tool to recover from sexual assault. And if you choose to forego therapy for whatever reason, I support you on your healing journey in whatever form that takes. In my trauma therapy work, I reference Judith Herman’s phases of trauma recovery, as described in her work, Trauma and Recovery. Using Herman’s work helps me guide clients in piecing together and processing sexual trauma, which then assists clients in reconnecting with their intuition, and therefore, intimacy.
Moving through the trauma therapy process
When you engage in online trauma therapy in Denver, CO we will first focus on building our therapeutic relationship. And this may seem daunting at first, as you are coming to work on very deep, raw wounds. However, in this phase of our work, I will collaborate with you to find what feels safest and most comfortable.
We’ll discuss other aspects of your life outside of your assault, so I can know you, and not just your story. I understand and acknowledge that letting someone into your mind can be fear-inducing and EXHAUSTING. But if you are looking to build intimacy with yourself and others in your life, you have to do challenging things. This work is hard, but it is very much worth it.
You can’t just slap a bandaid on a wound that needs stitches and expect it to heal. Trauma therapy is more than that. Instead, you have to go to the doctor, get the stitches, and manage the pain until the skin has restored itself. Now, there may be a scar there long-term, but the exposed wound is no longer bringing you excruciating pain. One day, the wounded area will be able to function like it used to, but you may need some modifications for a bit until you’re fully comfortable in your new skin.
Reconnecting with yourself in online trauma therapy in Denver, CO
Once we have established our relationship as client and therapist, I’ll help you work on being with your story.
In online trauma therapy, healing cannot take place if one does not sit with the pain and the experience, just like a wound doesn’t heal without the appropriate time and care. In trauma therapy, the hope is to reestablish your connection with yourself. Being with your story, instead of avoiding it, will help you understand the multifaceted ways that the experience has impacted you. Gaining this deep understanding of the impacts of your experience will help us begin to address the pain points.
After we have worked through the previous steps, we’ll work to integrate what you’ve learned into your life. Our work together will help you rebuild trust with yourself. And not only with yourself, but with other people in your life, those who have been around for the long haul, as well as newcomers. The deeper connection you have formed with yourself will reward you with a more developed mind-body connection. You’ll feel (both physically and emotionally) more deeply and you’ll start to notice that intuition rising again.
Redefining and rebuilding intimacy
If and when you’re ready, we’ll start addressing intimacy with others.
Whether this looks like strictly emotional intimacy or jumping back into the deep end of your sexual endeavors, we’ll work at your pace. You will have just redeemed trust in yourself, so the process of trusting others may be tedious at first. Because I am both trained and passionate about providing trauma therapy and sex therapy, we can explore many avenues of intimacy. Regardless of what intimacy looks like for you at a moment in time, we’ll focus on the connection.
As a human being, you are deserving of connection and intimacy. Let’s identify what sexual identity and pleasure look like uniquely for you. We can process positive and negative past relationships and what that means for your future ones. What do boundaries in romantic and sexual relationships look like moving forward? How do you know when a boundary has been pushed? (Remember that intuition!) How soon is too soon for certain milestones in a relationship? What pieces of your story would you like to share with certain partners?
Navigating sex, relationships, and intimacy after a sexual assault may look different for you than ever before. But with the instilled belief that you are worthy of connection, you get to be in the driver’s seat of your new journey. Rebuilding connection in your life after trauma is not simple, but it is so, so worth it. Let’s help you reignite your intuition, build trust with yourself and others, and find pleasure and intimacy in the healthiest ways for you.
Begin Online Trauma Therapy in Denver, CO
No matter the circumstances of your concern or the unique qualities of your trauma, my credentials as an online trauma therapist in Denver, CO have proven effective to help. I sign on to work for the health and healing to your personal well-being and your relationships. Recovering after sexual assault trauma is hard, but I’m here to help you find the strength to move through it. Wherever you are in your journey, I’ll show up fully, ready to meet you where you are. Get started with online trauma therapy in Denver, CO today.
Other Services with Joe Molinari
With education and experience in couples therapy and marriage counseling and sex therapy, I provide well-rounded consideration to your life after sexual assault. Additionally, for those in trauma therapy, we may explore Sensorimotor therapy or EMDR as additions to your treatment. I provide online therapy services in both Colorado and Minnesota. Please reach out to me with questions or interest in beginning your healing work.